The Great Marriage Debate

This is a little bit different post today. Not so much of a rant or a rave, but something I've been thinking about which I feel needed to be said.

If you're an American, chances are you're pretty aware about one of the hugest debates currently going on in this country- that of traditional marriage vs. gay marriage. This particular topic is really pretty annoying to try and follow, mainly because most of the opinions offered on both sides are generally fairly misguided and uninformed. The problem that most people have with this issue is that they completely don't understand it. They don't understand the real issue that everyone is arguing about- either they claim it's either a moral issue, or it's about everyone having equal rights, or any number of other points of view.

Please understand that, while I of course do support a certain view, this is not intended to be an unfairly biased or unrealistic rant. This is simply me stating the way I see things, trying to use as much objective logic as possible, in an attempt to explain this side of the issue in a way which hopefully will make sense to people on both ends of the spectrum. I doubt I'll convince anyone to change their mind, but maybe I can explain why it's perfectly possible for someone to support traditional marriage without being hateful, bigoted, or any other negative things we've been accused of.

So first off, let's figure out exactly what the issue at hand is. Is it about rights? Maybe, but not necessarily. If you really look at it, the issue is more about creating a right that doesn't currently exist. As of now, every adult in the United States currently has the right to get married. Every single one. Every male has the opportunity to legally bind himself to a woman, and likewise, every woman to a man. The reason everyone has this right is because that is the legal definition of a marriage- the joining of a man and a woman as husband and wife. The definition of marriage, as it currently exists and has since the beginning of our government, is not the joining of two people who love each other.

Please don't misunderstand- this is not my argument. We can all see it's a fairly weak one. I'm simply stating the facts as they exist. This is the definition of marriage as recognized by our government. And if marriage was purely a legal institution, I'm sure it would be relatively easy to change that definition to allow for homosexual marriages to exist as well.

However...

This is where religion starts to play a factor. In many religions, including my own (I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints), the legal aspect of marriage is secondary to the theological aspect. These religions see marriage as it currently exists as an institution of God, and not just of man. In fact, in my religion, for example, the marriage ceremony is among the most sacred and important acts we can experience during our lifetimes. We see it in the same mold as baptism, a necessary step we have to take during our journey back to God. And, like baptism, it needs to be done correctly. It is absolutely a fundamental religious ceremony to us. And while not all other faiths hold it in quite the same light we do, it is still, to them, an important part of their beliefs, often performed by religious authority rather than civic.

So now we can start to see where the conflict arises. See, asking someone who holds these core beliefs to change their definition of marriage is literally asking them to change their very theology. This is the heart of the debate, the way I see it. It ceases to be an issue of whether or not you accept someone else's lifestyle and becomes a challenge to the very tenets we hold dear. The government, in accepting a new definition of marriage, would ostensibly be rejecting our beliefs about the sacredness of marriage as it currently stands, making it no longer an acceptable way to see things. This is the reason we resist. It isn't because we hate anyone (of course, I can't speak for everyone, but certainly the majority), or hold ourselves above anyone, but simply because there just isn't any gray area. It becomes, for us, an actual loss of religious freedom- like we're being told what we have to believe, something our ancestors came to this country to escape. 

So if the definition of marriage is changed to include homosexuals, any institution who refuses to perform such marriages based on their beliefs will essentially be breaking the law. And even if there is some provision that legally allows for it, socially they'd be considered a discriminatory organization and would become the target of many a lobbyist or "civil rights" demonstration, with the high probability of an eventual lawsuit declaring any such discrimination to be "unconstitutional". Disagree with that if you will, but it will happen, and already does in many cases. I won't get into examples, but there are plenty.

In my mind, there is a fairly simple solution which, unless I'm way off, ought to keep some level of happiness on each side. It isn't perfect, I doubt any perfect solution exists, but with a little bit of compromise I think it should work. Rather than reworking the definition of marriage, why don't we create something new for homosexual unions? Why don't we make something that is legally more or less identical to marriage, but leaves the religious aspect out of it completely? With marriage, clergy have the power to wed, but maybe this new institution could only be obtained from the government. That way, no religion will feel forced into changing their beliefs about marriage (because it would stay the same), but homosexuals would have the union they want, complete with all the benefits of marriage.

I don't think we can come up with any solution unless we understand the real problem- whether or not we change the definition of marriage. It realistically shouldn't be about hate, or equality, or anything else. All of that just muddies the water. I don't know what the future will hold for the gay marriage issue, but I sincerely hope something reasonable can be figured out. Our country is too great of a place to be this divided.

I'm sure I could go on, but I think I've said just about everything I wanted to. It's a tough issue, but I'm really tired of hearing that I'm a bigot, or a hateful person, for supporting the things I believe with all my heart. I'm not. But I will do whatever I can to protect the things I love in a sensible, reasonable manner. I only hope others can do the same.

Note: Notice I didn't include anything about beliefs one the morality of homosexuality in this. While I'm sure that plays some factor for many people, I personally don't think it's the most valid of arguments, because it's completely subject to a person's views, even among religions. My hope is to at least make this side of the issue understandable to anyone who reads it, whether they be atheist, Christian, Jewish, Conservative, Liberal, etc. I hope I succeeded.